Life doesn't have to be hard
by hellsheep
Summary: I'm not going to shoot the only person who means something to me in this shithole of a world, Daron said.


**There's not much plot - this is simply my try to get a peek in the head of Danse (and the sole survivor) after Danse found out he's a Synth. Because let's be honest, Fallout isn't Mass Effect/Dragon Age and Bethesda isn't Bioware so I just added a little bit more thoughts 'n feelings 'n stuff. After all thats what fanfictions are for, right?**  
 **Daron Cryzek is the name of my OC sole survivor, bearded redhead with blue eyes.**  
 **Oh and MacCready is also there being MacCready and all. Please note that english isn't my native language and I don't have a Beta-Reader, so please forgive me my mistakes but feel free to show them to me :) Have fun reading!**

* * *

 _I'm not going to shoot the only person who means something to me in this shithole of a world._

Darons words echoed in his head.

Danse couldn't sleep. He was staring at the ceiling, even though it was hardly to see in the darkness. There was only silence in Darons little shed on top of the Red Rocket. His friend wasn't here – he was on "Lone Wanderer" business since two days. For once Danse didn't regret not going with him. He needed time so sort things out.

With a blink of an eye Danse's whole life turned up side down. He once has been nothing, then he found purpose in life with the Brotherhood and now again, he was nothing. Or even worse than nothing: a Synth. But no matter how hard he tried so sort things out, to come to terms with his thoughts and feelings, he just couldn't shake it off: Daron should've shot him. But instead he used his silver tongue to talk Danse out of it, even talked Maxson out of it. _I'm not going to shoot the only person who means something to me in this shithole of a world_ Daron'd said. And the talk they had after that, well...

Danse didn't realize that the sun was already rising. For hours now he'd lain on Darons couch, still staring at the ceiling. He heard a creek and the door opened and that was when Danse finally moved.

"You're back", he simply said.

"Did I woke you?" Daron asked.

Danse shook his head. "Haven't slept at all" he answered, shrugged and sat up. "I've been thinking", he continued, "About the things you said."

Daron grabbed two beer and let himself fall on the couch, next to Danse, handing him one of the bottles. "Like that Dogmeat would look really dope with googles and this little red rag? 'cause he does" Daron said lightly. Danse had to chuckle a bit, closing his eyes for second, smiling.

"No. Well, he does look cute with it. But that's not what I meant." Danse was sure that Daron was pretty aware of that, but he also knew that the redhead tend to joke about serious things.

"Oh hm well... you know, that you can talk to me about everything, Danse. Is it about the Synth-thing? 'cause I'm sticking with my opinion, you're more human to me than everyone else here."

"No it's not the... _Synth-thing_. It's the thing you said to me about... about how you're feeling the same like me and... that you're hoping, that this feeling is more than friendship." Danse watched the other man, who suddenly lowered his gaze and took a quick sip of beer.

"Oh. That. Yeah", he said with a lowered voice, "Yeah I'm sorry 'bout that, it was stupid timing, I mean you seriously have others problems right now than my crush on you and mentioning it was selfish at that time" Daron said with a seriousness that didn't seem to fit him.

"But what if you're right?" Danse said unimpressed. Daron lifted his head, looking at the former Paladin in surprise. "The problem's just... I just don't know how these feelings work or if they are my own and not just some... failed program running in my head...", he continued with bitterness in his voice.

"Well... where's the difference?" Daron shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Danse wanted to know, frowning.

"Well...", Daron explained while he started to flourish with the beerbottle in his hand, "Where's the difference to a human? Do you think I have an idea why I feel what I feel? And how? Nope. Well there's something like... dopamine and hormones, I guess, but hey, I'm a soldier, not a scientist." - "Dopa-what?" - "Forget about it. What I wanna say is... does it really matter? To know why you feel? It's important that you do, isn't it? And heck! Let's say you are a programmed failure" - "Uhm thanks?" - "It simply doesn't matter... not to me. As long as you're honest about how you feel. And what you feel." A silence followed Darons words, where both men just kept staring at each other, long enough for Daron to feel awkward. "Soooo...", he started, not sure what he really wanted to say next and Danse with his unaware, nearly naive gaze wasn't helping him to find the right words.

"God, when are you two finally start to fuck each other?" A voice cut through the awkward silence like a hot knife through butter. Danse's eyes widened in embarrassment and Daron nearly choked on a mouthful of beer.

"For fucks sake, MacCready", he coughed, "stop picking the lock of my door! Or knock at least before you come in, uninvited...", he growled.

"Uninvited?" the Merch said pretending to be offendend, "I'm the only one who does his job here! Well and maybe Dogmeat." He threw some looted ammo on the table and a few weapons.

"I'm also missing my Atomic Cats leather jacket and I'm pretty sure you took it", Daron said, watching the table while Danse tried to hide behind his beer. "Only because I'm looking so much better in it, Cryzek. Well see ya later, folks, gotta hit the road again. Oh and … you two really need to get it together. Like really. Seriously" he said, already standing in the door before he left. Daron blushed on these words - his face was as red as his hair.

Again it was silence that followed.

"Why are you keeping this guy around?" Danse finally asked.

"I paid 200 bucks for him I wanna see him work", Daron mumbled.

"I wish you shot me back there, with Maxson", Danse suddenly said, his voice filled with grief and sorrow. "I thought I had a purpose in life, Daron. But it just vanished right in front of my eyes. I don't know where to go or what to do."

"Well that makes two of us, buddy" Daron said and Danse lifted his head, a questioning expression on his face. "My world went down 200 years ago. Then some asshole shot my wife and kidnapped my son and I had to watch it, just to be frozen again. After that there was only one thing that kept me going: finding Sean. In this whole fucked up world filled with Raiders, Mutants, Beasts and everything ugly I had a mission. I had to find my son. And honestly... that's what helped me staying alive, helped me to go on and on... and even further. Beyond every limit, you know?" Danse nodded. Daron sighed and continued, shifting his nearly empty beer in his hands. "I thought I had to rescue Sean. And can have a family again. Watch him grow up, protect him in this fucked up world. But reality always hits hard. My son grew old without me, he could be _my_ father now and is probably a lunatic maniac, the master of all Synths, what do I know. And suddenly it was gone. My mission, my purpose in life..." Daron shrugged. "Still I found reason to get out of bed every day and roam the Commonwealth. 'cause I found people I care about, Danse." He smiled a weak but so adorable smile. "You're one of them. You mean a lot to me."

Danse couldn't help it, his lips also formed into a smile and he found himself being okay with the fact that Daron scooted closer to him, not sitting at the other end of the couch anymore.

"You won't have it easy with me...", Danse started.

"I can be patient" Daron promised.

The former Paladin raised a brow. "I don't believe you", he said, not moving an inch while Daron came closer to him. A little bit more and he would sit on his lap, Danse thought.

"Because I lied", Daron answered with a grin. For a few seconds he just studied Danse's face. "Can we talk about that... friendship 'n' feelings thing again...?", he asked with lowered voice. Danse thought he could drown in Darons dark blue eyes. Suddenly everything seemed to be so clear to him, like clouds finally shifting away from a sunny sky.

"Maybe we can just stop talking at all?" Danse offered and took Darons face in both of his hands to kiss him. The taste of cheap cigarettes and strong beer, the soft scratching from the other mans beard, the quite moan on his lips – it was perfect. And maybe everything he ever wanted. Feeling so close to someone, simple happiness without any questions about the next day or life's purpose. Because life didn't had to be hard. And maybe it didn't matter to be a human or a Synth. And when man and machine could live together in harmony, even fall in love... maybe everything would be possible... and the world, one day, a better place again.


End file.
